A sad post

The problem with being hispanic and Nigerian is that you are constantly put in situations were you receive prejudice. People classify me as African American. People think I behave a certain way. They make fun of my family because they think we swam across the Rio Grande. After moving to Chicago I was really faced with having to declare my heritage, race, ethnicity, etc. Since I have been in Paris I have really felt at odds with my race. Here there are no African Americans. There are Africans who immigrated here or were born here. You do not see Mexicans, asians, or really any other race. It is a very homogenized society. I know I clearly stand out. I look different (I also wear a bright blue wool coat and everyone wears black... go figure). Even Africans look at me and wonder if I am African or if I am something else. And while I do not know if I am actually being stared at by Parisians or discriminated against, or anything, I feel I am. I feel like I am treated different because of my race which is a horrible feeling because a)its not my doing and b) there is nothing I can do about it.
This whole post stems from me being denied admission to a club this evening. I went with 5 black girls and 1 Indian girl. We were so excited to finally enjoy the Paris nightlife. The club is on the Champs Elysses and when we walked out of the metro station I was blown away by how beautiful it was. There are lights and it was snowing and people are walking and laughing. PARIS! So we go to the door because it is ladies night (free!) and they tell us that we need to be members because it is ladies night. Our reaction: we are ladies. THey told us to step away from the door and that they would talk to us privately. Of course some of us began to act crazy, but I just stood there thinking about what was happening. This I know happens in the U.S., but it's still disgusting. In order for me to gain admission somewhere is based on my skin color or how many white people I have around me? Ridiculous. I guess the problem I have is that I never considered myself African American so I always thought I was okay. I wasn't the person they were talking to. They were against "those people". I'm African, my heritage is different, they don't mean me. But they do. And coming to that realization was really eye opening. I realized that racism is everywhere, in all forms. It's not a joke. It's real.
I think this trip will definitely allow me to investigate who I am as a person and how I identify myself. I hope not to have any more run ins like this, but I feel I will. This night is possibly very indicative of the rest of my stay, but I hope not. I will just continue thinking about my place in all of this and what I can do to be a positive change.

Bonsoir,
Imah